


Fear, Guilt and Love

by ddelusionall



Category: JYJ (Band), Kim Junho - Fandom
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Extremely Dubious Consent, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Sibling Incest, Underage Sex, not healthy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-21
Updated: 2011-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:27:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23929918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddelusionall/pseuds/ddelusionall
Summary: After Yunho, the Kim Twins struggle with their new thoughts and feelings.This is a sequel to Blackmail is a Sexy Thing. But you don't really have to read that one to understand this one.
Relationships: Kim Junho/Kim Junsu (JYJ)
Kudos: 3





	Fear, Guilt and Love

**Author's Note:**

> I am importing my stories from LiveJournal. The original fic can be found [here](https://be-ddelusionall.livejournal.com/).
> 
> I haven't read this story in a long time, so I may have missed some tags. Just let me know if I did.

Junho listened to his brother cry. His brother should not have been crying. They won the biggest soccer match of their high school careers. The scout from Grand Pointe came over to talk to both of them afterwards, promising to put in a good word for them despite their family’s financial troubles. The publicity alone with having twins on the team would be worth it.

Junho tried to rationalize his brother’s tears, blaming them on Yunho and his abuse. But Junho knew that wasn’t why. Guilt spread through him. He hadn’t talked to his brother in two days unless he had to.

It … it wasn’t Junho’s fault! He just … couldn’t …

He was a coward and he was afraid that his brother was going to want to have sex with him again. Or maybe he was afraid that if he was next to Junsu that HE was going to want to have sex with his brother again. He was terrified, of himself, of his brother, of everything.

Junho sighed as Junsu’s tears dropped to sniffles. He couldn’t survive like this. It hurt so much to feel so far away from his brother. Very quietly he pushed off the blankets and sat up. Junsu froze. No noise. No movements. He moved over to Junsu’s bed and sat down, shaking so hard.

“I-I’m sorry, Su-ah,” he whispered. He put his hand on Junsu’s shoulder, jerking it back when he touched skin.

“I’m sorry, Ho-ah,” Junsu said. “I … I should have just let him bench me. I’m so sorry.”

Junho slipped under Junsu’s blanket. He put his arms around Junsu and Junsu cried, face pressed against his chest. Junho held him until Junsu cried himself to sleep. Junho didn’t sleep until dawn, but then only for a little while, because when Junsu stirred against him, his eyes flew open.

Junsu rolled his head back and their gazes met. His eyes were half open, blood shot, swollen from his tears. Junho’s heart clenched. He touched Junsu’s cheek and Junsu whimpered when their lips pressed together.

Junho did not mean to kiss him.

He jerked away, felt himself blush and he turned his head. Junsu shifted against him with a noise of protest.

“Ho,” he whispered.

“I’m so-sorry, I … wasn’t ...th-thinking.”

“Oh.”

Junho’s eyes flew open at the disappointment in Junsu’s voice. Junsu bit his lower lip and Junho remembered chewing on it, licking it, sucking it into his mouth. Really, all Yunho had said was to kiss him. Junho didn’t have to fuck Junsu’s mouth with his tongue like he had, but the kiss had felt so good.

Something screamed at him to stop, but Junho didn’t. He licked at Junsu’s lip, tongue running over teeth. Junsu’s mouth fell open with a moan, and he propped up, sliding until they were level and their mouths joined, tongues twisting. His hands slid down Junsu’s bare back, tightening so their chests pressed together.

“We-we .. Su … we …” Junho moaned deep when Junsu’s hips rolled down against his body. He forgot what he was going to say and kept kissing his brother, hands sliding all over his skin, into his hair.

There was a knock on the door and Junsu broke away and threw himself across the bed. Junsu turned on his side the other way and the blankets settled over his head just as their door opened.

“Boys?” their mother whispered. “Are you awake?”

Junho’s heart raced with panic. He didn’t know what to say, but it seemed Junsu was more in control. He yawned and said, “Morning, Mom.”

“Morning, Su. Wake your brother up. Breakfast is ready.”

“Okay.”

As soon as the door shut, Junho jumped out of the bed and went towards their bathroom, but he wasn’t fast enough and Junsu snagged the back of his tank top.

“That … you can’t pretend that didn’t happen, that you started it.”

Junho shut his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. “I know.” He stopped breathing when Junsu’s hands wrapped around his waist, under his shirt, lifting it until fingertips brushed over his nipples.

“We’re always honest with each other,” Junsu said as his lips touched Junho’s shoulder. “Please, Ho, don’t stop now. I want this. Do you?”

“I-I d-don’t know.” Junho turned in his arms. “Did you want me before?” He didn’t need to say before what.

Junsu shook his head. “N-no. Does that make it bad?”

“We’re brothers, Su-ah. That makes it bad.”

Junsu put his face on Junho’s chest, fingers clutched tightly in the back of his shirt. “I love you so much, bro, and … I--I don’t know. Maybe if we just … did it … without being forced, it would be different, or maybe it would be worse and--”

Junho stopped him with a hand over his mouth. “But think, bro. What if we like it?”

Junsu frowned, eyes lowering. Junho moved his hand so Junsu could talk.

“I want to like it,” he whispered.

Junho had not been expecting that. “Let’s go eat breakfast. Let me think about it, okay?”

Junsu nodded. “O-okay.”

Junho kissed him briefly and this time when Junho turned, Junsu let him go.

\------

Later in the day, Junho sat on his bed, head in his hands. All day he’d done his best not to ignore Junsu (not like he had the last couple days), but he also tried not to touch him. His mind was going a million miles a minute and yet, it all came to one conclusion.

He was attracted to his brother.

He had to decide what to do. He could tell Junsu the truth, and then also tell him that they could not act on it, because they were brothers. That’s what he should do. He knew that. But Junsu’s face, full of rejection was easy to conjure in his mind, and Junho did not want to be the cause of Junsu upset.

But could he do it? Could he have a relationship with his brother?

Even if they couldn’t, even if it was too hard, or things fell apart, Junho did not want Junsu’s only sexual experience to be dominated by fear and pain from Yunho.

Junsu deserved something better than that.

“I was wondering where you ran off to,” Junsu whispered from the door.

Junho jerked alert, meeting Junsu’s cautious gaze. He opened his mouth and nothing came out. He shut it, cleared his throat and in a deep whisper said, “Lock the door.”

Junsu stared at him for almost a minute but he turned around, shut the door and locked it. He slowly walked across the room, stopping in front of Junho. Junho grabbed his belt loops and pushed his face into Junsu’s stomach. It tensed, reminding Junho of the muscles his brother had. Junsu’s hands settled on his shoulders.

Junho pushed Junsu’s shirt up, wanting to feel the heat from his body on his face. He pressed his lips to Junsu’s stomach, right below his navel and then breathed, inhaling his brother’s scent, before trailing his tongue to the the other side. One hand went up his shirt, fingers easily finding a budded nipple, the other went down, grabbing the jeans and pulling, baring Junsu’s hipbone.

Junsu moaned as Junho licked him. He shivered from the sound, and then jerked as Junsu’s fingers trailed up his neck and into his hair. Junho licked along the top of Junsu’s jeans, pulling them down at the same time. Junsu’s fingers tightened and his hips jerked. Junho rolled his tongue around Junsu’s navel. There was a smattering of hair just below, and Junho wondered when that had happened. He licked down, until he could no longer pull the jeans down. His hands shook as he finally unbuttoned Junsu’s jeans. He opened the fly slowly, parting the jeans even more slowly.

Junsu’s breath hitched, but Junho didn’t look up at him. Not yet. He rubbed his cheek over his brother’s erection, the blue fabric of boxers stretched tight over it. He mouthed it, sucking the bulge hard, pulling another gasp from his brother. He pushed Junsu’s jeans down to his knees. With a firm grip on Junsu’s ass, Junho chewed and sucked on his erection with more ferocity.

“Ho … Ho … I’m … Ho.”

Junsu’s panicked, desperate muttering of his name barely registered in Junho’s mind. But he felt Junsu’s cock twitch, jerk, and then twinges of pain traveled down his neck as Junsu yanked hard on his hair. His knees buckled and Junho tightened his hold on him as the wet spot on Junsu’s boxers grew. Junho licked his lips and lowered his head as he lifted Junsu up and then sucked on the soaked fabric, tasting his brothers release.

Junsu was whimpering. Junho turned him, lowered him to the bed and they readjusted, not looking at each other. Junsu’s cheeks burned bright red, because that was so hot, and he was so hard. Embarrassed for how much he wanted his brother.

Junsu touched the bulge in his jeans. Junho grabbed his wrist, probably too tight, as Junsu winced, but his otherwise strong brother did nothing to stop him from putting his hand above his head. Junsu kept his eyes down cast while his chest heaved with deep breaths. Junho pondered him from only a few inches away. With his legs, he pushed at Junsu’s knee and his brother spread his legs as much as he could, jeans in the way.

Junho loosened the pressure on his wrist, and when he was sure Junsu wouldn’t move it, he scooted back, to the end of the bed. He hooked his hands on Junsu’s jeans and pulled them away. He stopped, head light, eyes looking at nothing but Junsu’s knees. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Junsu whimpered and Junho’s eyes flew open. Every muscle on Junsu’s body was taut, shadowed with the fading afternoon light. Somehow Junho’s fingers touched Junsu’s thighs, curling under the leg of the boxers. His skin twitched and a low wail that may have been his name pierced his daze. He let his eyes rise slowly, looking at every curve and dip of muscle.

Junsu had not moved, and Junho knew that he was waiting. They’d always been each other’s everything. The other half. And now Junsu was waiting for Junho to make him his. Mark him, claim him. Junho shivered and finally met Junsu begging eyes. They both licked their lips.

Junho took a deep stabling breath and then pulled Junsu’s boxers off. Come spread down his legs, and Junho leaned over and licked it up, pulling a gasp from Junsu. He licked all the way up his leg, and Junsu’s legs spread more.

Everything about it was wrong.

Junho bit down on the muscled curve of Junsu’s inner thigh, sucking lightly before opening his eyes and looking up. His brother’s cock was still hard, balls pulled tight against his body. He ran a fingertip over the loose skin, tracing the veins and then pushing each one, curling his fingers around them. Junho opened his mouth and covered them, sucking lightly on them and Junsu squirmed with a needy whimper.

Junho licked up, cleaning the residue from his brother’s first orgasm from around the base of Junsu’s cock and where it had spread on his stomach. A pearl of white pumped from the tip of his cock. Junho lapped it up, letting his tongue dig into the slit.

Shaking fingers touched his head and Junho’s head shot up, glaring at his brother. Junsu bit his lower lip, opened his mouth to say something and then shut his eyes. Both hands went above his head and gripped the pillow.

Junho didn’t know why, but he didn’t want Junsu touching him. Junho sucked Junsu’s cock into his mouth, rolling his tongue around the crown. More fluid filled Junho’s mouth and with a moan he swallowed it and let more of Junsu’s cock into his mouth. Junsu’s hips rose with a whine. Junho yanked on his balls, and the whine turned to a hiss,

Part of Junho knew he wasn’t being fair, and he shouldn’t be so violent, but he was so frustrated. So pissed off at Yunho for hurting his brother. So upset at himself that the thought of his brother on his knees begging for more turned him on more than anything else. He took out his frustrations on his brother’s body, kissing and sucking up his abs and to his nipples. He abused both nipples for a long time, biting, chewing and sucking until they were purple and riddled with teeth marks. He kept his hands on Junsu’s waist, squeezing and digging blunt nail marks into his skin.

His own cock was so hard, pulsing in the confines of his jeans, but he would not get off. Not … not from this, not from controlling his brother, abusing him, making himself no better than Yunho with demands and painful treatments. But he couldn’t help himself. The only time he’d ever been so turned on was when he’d been fucking his brother on Yunho’s desk.

He stopped moving, mouth open but no longer touching Junsu’s skin, breath panting against his nipple.

“I-I’m sorry, S-Su,” Junho whispered. “I … I can’t do this.”

Junsu whined as Junho moved away. He sat with the intention of getting up, but Junsu grabbed his arm.

“No, no. No, please, don’t … don’t leave. Please. I-I need you. Please, Ho, please.”

Junho fought back the pleasure that came from hearing Junsu beg. He swallowed deeply and shook his head. “It’s not right, Su. It’s …” He found himself suddenly on his back, his naked brother over him, straddling his hips.

“You want it,” Junsu said as he rocked his hips over Junho’s jean-clad erection.

“That …” Junho’s eyes shut with the need to control himself, but Junsu rocked faster, hands gripping his chest.

Junho growled as his orgasm grew. With a burst of strength, he tossed Junsu off him. Junsu landed on the edge of the bed with a pained grunt and then couldn’t stop himself from falling to the floor with a thunk. Junho stayed on the bed, chest heaving while he listened to Junsu cry.

Hurting his brother made him worse than Yunho.

He rolled over, peering to the floor. Junsu had curled up into a ball, trying to muffle his cries against his knees. Lust coiled low in his body as Junho stared at the curve of his brother’s ass. The image of those cheeks spread, his cock disappearing into his tight body, caused waves of pleasure through him.

Junsu wanted this. And Junsu was right. He wanted it, too. He was disgusted by how much he wanted it.

He reached down and tangled his hands in Junsu’s hair. Junsu’s breathing changed, slightly panicked, and then he cried out as Junho pulled up. Junsu followed the pull to loosen the pressure, but Junho yanked harder until Junsu lay on the bed again, on his stomach. Junho released his hair and then said, “Hands up.”

Junsu put his hands above his head, fingers clutching the blanket.

Junho turned Junsu’s head and then leaned down and kissed him, dominating, chewing and biting at lips. His hand traced down the curve of Junsu’s back and to his ass. He pulled his mouth away as he cupped the firm flesh.

“This is so wrong, Su-ah. You’re such a bad boy for wanting it.”

Junsu nodded.

Junho spanked him and Junsu yelped. He did it again, harder, remembering how he’d watched Yunho do this. The sting in his hand was electrifying.

“Ho-Ho... I -- I … parents, Ho, please.”

Junho stopped. Junsu was right. Their parents were home. “Just means you better be quiet.”

He almost called his brother a bitch. Almost.

Junsu’s eyes shut tightly and he turned his head so his face was in the pillow. Curious, Junho reached under him and grabbed his cock. His hard, twitching cock. His brother seemed to like being dominated as much as Junho liked dominating him. He lifted a leg and lay down on his brother, bodies flush. When he rolled his hips down, Junsu moaned and shivered, his hips rising and legs spreading more for Junho.

Junho felt his cock twitching again. He wanted it free, between his brother ass. “Do you have lube?” Junho whispered.

Junsu shook his head.

“Don’t move.” Junho sat back and unbuttoned his pants. He wondered what it would be like to watch Junsu undress him. He stripped, skin pebbling from the air and anticipation. He lay back over his brother, and with a minor adjustment, his cock slipped between his brother’s ass cheeks.

Junsu moaned.

Junho gasped and slipped forward, jerking his hips. The slid of skin around him teased him. It … it felt so good, so obscene and wrong. He felt the difference of his brother’s entrance against the head of his cock. It wasn’t … it wasn’t enough.

With a growl, he pulled back, kneeling, and then grabbed Junsu’s hips, lifting until Junsu put his knees underneath himself, face still pressed against the floor. Junho covered his palm with spit and wrapped it around his cock just a couple times. He lifted up and then moaned low as his cock slipped right back between Junsu’s ass cheeks. He slid between them, the spit squelching, but it was enough. He gripped the mounds tightly, pushing them together until they enveloped his cock and he thrust fast, biting his lips against the pleasure of his orgasm. He jerked, panting, gasping, as the second best orgasm he’d ever had crashed through him. He couldn’t help the cry that escaped him and he covered Junsu’s crack in sticky white come.

Junsu moaned and rolled his hips. The sound of the come squishing between his skin made them both shiver. Junho pulled away, cock covered in come, and then before he could talk himself out of it, shoved a finger into Junsu’s tight body. Junsu whined and his hips rose.

Junho stopped breathing, head swimming as Junsu’s body clenched around his finger. He moved it faster, pumping it in and out of Junsu harshly. Junsu shivered below him and then Junho added a second finger and Junsu’s body jerked when Junho twisted his fingers a certain way.

Junsu turned his head and took a deep breath, exhaling, “Oh, hyung,” into the air.

Junho shivered. He spread his fingers, moving them faster and faster. His other hand gripped Junsu’s ass.

“Hyu-hyung please, please, plea-fuck me fuck me--”

Junho brought his hand down sharply on Junsu’s ass. “Shut up.”

Junsu whimpered but stopped begging. His teeth closed around his lip, and his hips rolled down. Junho scooped up more come and pushed three fingers into Junsu. Junsu screamed into the pillow. Junho was vicious, twisting and spreading and speeding up his thrusts. His brother’s entrance tightened so much around him and then he pulled away, inhaling roughly.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he positioned his cock against his brother’s body and then pushed, hard, gripping his hips and yanking him back at the same time. Junsu stiffened and screamed into the pillow again. Junho’s eyes shut at how tight his brother was and he knew there wasn’t enough lube, but he didn’t care. He pumped in and out of him, pulling Junsu back more than thrusting forward. He watched his cock slide in and out of Junsu until his entrance was red from the abuse. Their bed moved and rocked and Junho had a sudden fear of their parents hearing.

He pushed Junsu away despite Junsu’s whimper. “It’s too loud,” he said through his gasping breath. “Get on the floor.”

With shaking limbs and little whimpers, Junsu put his hands on the floor and then practically fell, so he was on his hands and knees. Junho stood up, conscience returning full force as he saw the bruises and bite marks he’d left on his brother’s skin. And yet, Junsu’s cock hung hard between his legs, the tip covered with clear liquid. Junho went and kneeled in front of him. He lifted Junsu’s head with a firm grip on his chin. Junsu’s eyes shut and he licked his lips.

“Su-ah?”

Junsu whimpered.

Junho needed reassurances, something besides Junsu’s hard cock.

“C-can I suck on you, hyung?” Junsu whispered.

Junho shivered at the subservience in Junsu’s voice. How could he say no to that? His cock twitched. He stroked it a couple times and then let go of Junsu’s chin. He held his cock down, and Junsu moaned as his tongue wrapped around the head.

“F-fuck,” Junho whispered and thrust forward. It felt so much better than last time. Junsu had been so scared before, and now he was beyond confident, tongue rolling around the head, down the length over the slit. Spit gathered, shining on Junsu’s lips and dripping to the floor. Junho wondered how Junsu managed to get all of his cock down his throat. He felt dirty and twisted as his orgasm grew. He knew that he should not be getting pleasure from his eager, innocent brother.

“H-hyung,” Junsu whispered, lips on the head of Junho’s cock. “Pl-please fuck me again. Please.”

Junho’s cock pulsed from the lust running through his brother’s voice, but he didn’t think he could move. “T-turn around,” he said, voice deep, gravely, totally not his own.

Junsu whimpered in excitement and spun around. His ass pressed against Junho’s body, and then he lowered his head to the floor, looking behind him with red, pleading eyes. Junho ran his hands over his brother’s plump ass and then spread his cheeks, watching as his hole clenched around air.

“Pl-please, Junho-hyung, please.”

Junho ran his cock up and down Junsu’s crack, through his own come. His cock pulsed in his hand. His orgasm rolled through him. With his eyes shut, he pushed into his brother’s body, all at once, and the muffle cry seeped past his fogged brain and the way Junsu’s ass tightened around him was so amazing, so hot, so obscene. He pumped his hips forward, back, in and out, grunting as his body shook and then Junsu moaned his name, deep, begging and Junho came. He pressed his body against his brother’s, frozen as his orgasm filled Junsu up in powerful waves.

His vision went dark and like swimming through mud, he slowly came aware of Junsu panting below him, his arm moving fast. Junho knew he should have done something to help Junsu along, but then Junsu’s body shook and there were unmistakable splatters on the floor.

Junho sighed, leaning forward enough that he could press a kiss to Junsu’s shoulder. It took another few deep breaths for them to move. It was Junsu, moaning as he rolled his hips down. Junho shivered at the clenching around his cock just before he slipped out. He watched as come dripped down Junsu’s thighs. He licked his lips and before he could talk himself out of it, he spread Junsu open again and licked up his come. They both moaned. Junho stopped caring. It had felt so good, it tasted so good, everything was so, so, so good, and Junsu wanted it. He wasn’t hurting his brother, he wasn’t hurting himself. He felt his cock harden again as he licked at his brother’s spasming entrance.

“Mm, Ho, feels good.”

“Tastes good,” Junho said, and Junsu giggled, wiggling his ass.

Junho growled low in his throat at being disturbed. Again he kneeled, rubbing his cock against Junsu’s now very dirty, sticky cleft. He let his cock slip in and out of Junsu, teasing until his brother was quietly begging again.

“On your back,” Junho said.

Junsu immediately rolled over, away from the mess he made on the floor.

Junho grabbed behind his knees and with a minor adjustment, thrust his cock back into Junsu’s willing body. Junsu’s eyes shut, mouth open and Junho decided he wanted to kiss him. He fell forward until his arms were on each side of Junsu’s head.

“I love you,” Junsu said, voice breaking as Junho jerked his hips quickly.

Junho shivered and kissed him.

Their bodies moved and Junho lost track of time, of feeling, of everything but his brother and the nails digging into his back as Junsu’s body gave under the pressure and more come splattered between them. Their lips and tongue met again and again and then again.

Junsu gasped and said, “M-mouth, pl-please, let me taste you again.”

Junho moaned and sat up, shivering as his cock fell from his brother. Once again, Junsu rotated and his cock was down that throat in the next moment. Junho sat back on his knees, head back, mouth open. Another orgasm waved through him and he bit his hand against a shout as he came into Junsu’s wet mouth.

Junsu moaned in absolute pleasure and his throat constricted around Junho’s cock.

And then his lips were on Junho’s kissing him deeply. Their arms wrapped around one another and Junho sighed, breathing in the scent of Junsu sweaty skin.

“I love you,” Junho whispered, and then repeated it over and over. His tears joined the sweat and saliva and come on Junsu’s body. Junsu held him, whispering love at him, until he managed to stop crying.

\-------

Yunho watched the Kim Twins closely on Monday. As they had before, the two of them avoided Yunho, but every now and then he’d catch Junho glaring at him. He watched during practice, Junsu leaned close to whisper in Junho’s ear. He saw the shiver and the light touch Junho laid on Junsu’s hip.

After practice (where Junsu seemed to be having a small amount of difficulty walking), he watched them undress and slip into the same shower stall. They were in the stall for about five minutes longer than the rest of the boys, though no one else noticed.

He smirked when they finally emerged and Junsu was smiling at his brother, clinging to his side. Junho smiled too until he met Yunho’s eyes, and then he scowled. Junsu met his eyes too, and turned in his brother’s sudden embrace. The towel slipped from his shoulders, revealing bite marks and hickeys all over his shoulders.

Junho ran his hands over them, eyes still on Yunho.

Yunho smiled and licked his lips. Junho flipped him off, and then someone shouted for the Kim Twins to hurry up and the moment was broken. Yunho went into his office to jerk off again.


End file.
